The Pilgrimage of Briefers Rock
by Xross-33
Summary: Following the after credits ending of episode 13. Follow Brief as he journeys to reclaim his lost love and master the power of the Hell's Monkey. There will be many obstacles in his path, and his group is anything but stable, in fact their outright hostile! Before he can save his love or the world he's going to need to survive first!
1. Prologue: Worst best day?

The Pilgrimage of Briefers Rock

We did it! Panty and Stocking defeated Corset and the city is saved from demons, at least for another day. We walk together back towards the church with me trying to protect my modesty with my makeshift loincloth, although at this point I guess everyone here has seem little Rock, Panty especially. Thinking about it still gets me red in the face. To think that just an hour ago me and Panty were.. Agh! I stop that train of thought there no room to hide a boner in my current attire. To keep my mind off this topic I decide to ask more about this Hell's monkey business because it was never actually explained to me. As usual Panty and Stocking are arguing behind us so that just leaves Garter to ask as were nearing the church.

"So Garter, I'm this Hell's monkey thing right? What exactly does that mean? Am I a demon or something?"

He looks at me about to laugh, "Demon? You? HAHAHAHA!" Well he didn't have to laugh. "But in all seriousness you aren't any ordinary human being. You may not be a demon but your member is like a lightning rod for demonic and ghostly energies, when fully erect your power should increase dramatically, while you can be used to open hell gates your power was actually created by god to be a vanquisher of devils and evil."

I look up with hope, "You mean I can hunt ghosts with this? I can use it to fight with Panty and Stocking?" Maybe I can finally earn some respect from them!

Panty snorts behind me, "Yeah right Geek breath, your schlong may be a decent lay but no way it can keep up with black lace and me" she says holding up her own underwear/gun. "Right Stocking?"

Stocking's face looks solemn as if contemplating, "Hey Panty?

"Yeah?"

"You know how our heavenly weapons kill ghosts and shit but don't work on people like at all."

"Yeah?"

"I wonder what they do to Angels?"

Panty scoffs, "Fuck if I know, I mean you would have to try it to see-"

I hear a nose, Garter and I turn around and look in horror to see Stocking's blade sticking out of Panties face. Completely immobilized by disbelief I watch as Stocking dislodges the blade and systematically slices and dices her sister into little pieces. The lack of blood only makes the situation seem even more surreal. This can't be happening. Any second I'm going to wake up from this nightmare.

Garter is the first to recover, "That was not according to plan!" His face clenches in a pained expression. "OH MAH GOOOOD!" He just explodes, the force of the blast almost knocks me over. It's like I'm watching a replay of his fight with Corset! This CANNOT be happening! Is this a dream? Nightmare?

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my penis, I can't even describe how excruciating it feels, I let out a scream and watch as my dong transforms into the gate key and part of it actually flies off of me landing next to stocking before my little friend returns to it's normal size and color.

The extra piece forms into a face, a familiar face, wait a second, Corset! His high-pitched voice penetrates my ears as he cackles maniacally, "HAHAHA! She's been cut into exactly six hundred and sixty six pieces that's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard!"

This is too much, I went from being happy with my friends to watching two of them die in front of me. Exasperated I fall on my ass. "Stocking, why?"

I've faced worse treatment at the hands of the Anarchy sisters than ever before in my entire life, probably worse that most people. Yet the look on her face is the cruelest most contempt filled gaze that I've ever had the misfortune to make eye contact with. Eye contact with her makes me feel worthless and insignificant. "I'm sorry." I doubt that, "But Surprise I'm actually a demon." That's impossible! Right?

Corset pipes in before I can question her further, "So here's the deal, were gonna have a super fun scavenger hunt. I'm going to take all the Panty pieces and leave a trail for you to follow. Once you've gathered them all you'll be at the next closest hell's gate and when you open it for me I will restore your precious Panty!" In shock I watch as Stoking picks him up and flies into the distance dropping pieces of the love of my life every so often. I thought this was over? I feel hot tears roll down my face as I pick up the first Panty piece in front of me. "I promise, I will save you."

There's commotion behind me and I turn around to see Garter's pieces reassemble themselves back into a familiar shape, "DOOOOG HAM HO!"

"Garter you're alive!" Thank god I'm not alone in this. "What are we going to do?"

"Sorry Brief but I can't do anything about this. You can." What? "Why don't you ask them." Who? From the corner of my eye I see red I turn to see Scanty and Knee socks walking towards us looking ragged at best. At this point I'm barely surprised. "Mind telling us why you're here demon whores?"

Scanty speaks for them both, the burn from Pink Bow is still slightly visible on her face, "Open your ears and listen with your utmost attention as we have neither the time nor patience to allow for circumlocution. I'll cut this shorter than one of your Gonorrhea infested girlfriend's skirts, Corset Double Crossed us." The look on her face is scarier that the one stocking used earlier, bearing down at me with the full force of a demon's rage. "What he did wasn't in our agreement and we will not stand for such a violent and egregious error on his part."

Knee socks facial expression mirrors her sisters. "In short, he broke the rules. We'll help you collect the bite sized pieces of your little toilet angel, if at the end of this you promise to slay Corset."

Slay Corset? Me? "I'm definitely not a fan of the guy but I've never even killed a ghost how am I supposed to kill a demon? Especially with Stocking there?"

Garter chooses now to chime in, "That was before you knew you were the hell's monkey boy! As much as I hate to admit it working with these demons is the best chance we have. I suggest you accept their help and use your journey to learn how to fight. I have a feeling that your journey will be a lot harder than Corset made it sound.

I finally get up off the ground and look at the demon sisters at eye level. "I really don't have a choice do I?"

Knee socks smiles with what I think is… pity? "Apologies Briefers but our offer is at most a formality, as soon as the angel was minced your options have become, shall we say seldom. You could always refuse our offer and make the journey alone with your bi pedal rodent pet." I look down at Chuck stroking his zipper in a puddle of his own drool. "But your chances of survival and success decrease approaching a zero asymptote reaching infinitely closer to zero the farther we calculate."

Garter holds his hand out to the path before us, "I'll handle things here, "GO BRIEF! Follow the Panty path!"

I sigh. I think I liked the illusion of choice. "Alright then. We don't have anytime to lose." All of the talking done Scanty, Knee socks, Chuck and I set off." I will save you Panty!

And thus began the Pilgrimage of Briefers Rock.


	2. Feels like Panty

Feels like Panty

Now when I say that we started right after that I don't mean immediately, of course I stopped by my house to pick up my pk meter, ecto pack, and some clothes, opting for my trademark jumpsuit. Scanty and her sister left to go make their own preparations.

When I arrive back at the church the sisters are standing outside waiting for me. The burn on Scanties face is still noticeable as she approaches me. "You left to prepare and this is what you return with; a transient ready jumpsuit that reeks of sweat and underachievement and some of your child hood toys? I'm not sure what you and your uneducated angel sluts did before mobilizing but I assure you my darling sister Kneesocks and I will be focused on nothing but business." Her sister nods in approval.

I hold my ghost hunting gear to my chest eager to defend them, "Hey this is a limited edition pk meter and ecto pack! This is the real deal in ghost hunting gear, I had to buy a lot of cereal to get these!"

Kneesocks talks now without even looking at me, "Oh dear sister it does appear that he believes that those second rate cereal prizes are actually going to help in on our journey. I swear if he wasn't the hell's monkey I would kill him now to absolve him of his idiotic existence."

Her sister responds without missing a beat, "But unfortunately he is. It's unsurprising that those prostitute angels neglected to teach him how to fight but as we'll probably be encountering Corset's minions along the way we had best teach him now before he ruins all of our plans with his completely infantile human intellect."

Wait what? I hold grab my ecto pack and point it at her, "Oh yeah? Then I guess I'll have to prove to you what I can do!" I'm not letting these demon sisters take my gear!

Kneesocks starts to stand, but Scanty raises her hand. "Oh don't bother sister, you get so positively red when you fight and I'll be sufficient to teach this jump suited ghost junkie the ruuuules." Scanty starts to walk towards me so I turn on my ecto pack. The familiar vibrations of the engine comforters me. "Ok Mr. Rock these are the rules of our match. I am going to attack you. If you can fend me off for at least five minutes I'll concede that your toilet toys may actually be somewhat effective, however unlikely that is. You can use anything at your disposal, I'll be benevolent and will refrain from removing even one of my scanties. My darling sister Knee socks will keep time, ready dear?" Her sister raises her arm as she looks at her watch. I spread my feet out and get into a defensive stance raising my ecto pack in front of me ready to blow her away! Without her weapons she's only as strong as a normal girl right?

Wrong. As soon as her sisters arm drops Scanty is in front of me, I don't even have time to blink. Her right arm pulls back for a punch and I just manage to block most of the force with my ecto meter, I feel it crack a little and jump back to distance my self a little. "Did I crack your toy Briefers? Well you better have a back up plan because I still have four minutes and fifty one seconds to attack!" When she comes at me again it's with a vicious kick that I manage to duck under at the last second. I don't mean to look but she's wearing the uniform skirt her sister and her always wear and I catch a shadowed glance at her undergarments. I feel myself heat up as I take another step backwards my eyes nervously focusing on every part of her but her face. If she had blond hair she might look kind of like- in my distracted state I don't see the next punch coming and she strikes me right in the chest. I'm knocked off of my feet and onto my back a few feet away, gasping with the wind knocked out of me.

She stands over me, legs on either side of my head, and again it's hard to tear my eyes away from her, uh stuff. My blush deepens and I feel a little er, stiffness. I'm snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of machinery breaking as Scanty stomps on my pk meter. I roll out from underneath her and stand up with just my ecto pack now. "Shame Nerd boy, it has only been less than one minute and already half your toys are broken. After I smash that oversized backpack you'll be forced to submit and obey our rules!" Nerd boy! That's what Panty would always call me. I see her rush at me but all I see is Panty, I feel little rock use harden and my zipper bursts exposing the Hell's gate key! I clench my eyes and wait for the blow to land. But when I look back up Scanty is moving slower than before. I dodge left and her punch misses entirely. She looks surprised before her eyes travel down south. I blush and little rock seems to enjoy the attention. "Ah so that's how you managed to evade my blow. Although I was unaware that you could freely activate the Hell's gate key, it is of no consequence this bout will soon reach its conclusion!"

She jumps into the air; and I'm forced to take a step back barely avoiding an axe kick and being a part of the resulting crater. I wonder how much time is left? Scanty takes a few seconds to crawl out of her crater, I've got to have survived one minute already right? I'm a fifth of the way done, now to last the other four. Scanty looks annoyed when she crawls out. She rushes at me faster than before, I don't have time to dodge so I cross my arms across my face and hope for the best. Her fist slams into my guard and I'm pushed several feet back but remain on my feet. It actually didn't hurt that much either. Is this really because I have an erection? Still if I'm gong to survive this I can't just defend, hells monkey or not there's no way I can just take her damage for another four minutes. I raise my left foot to kick at her but with the awkwardness of my boner I miss and Scanty uses this to knock me off of my feet. She quickly jumps onto me pinning me to the ground with her body; little rock trapped between us. "While I admit I was rather bellicose, now that I have you trapped it's time this duel came to an end. She pulls her torso away from me cocking an arm back to punch, as she does so she slides her hips over my little buddy feeling magnificent and I know this isn't going to end well. She's holding my hands above my head with her other arm so all I can do to try and escape is wiggle my hips underneath her to try and buck her off. Bad decision.

It's so strange realizing that you're about to come to a climax mid battle. As Scanty's fist descends the last vestiges of my self-control shatter. I feel my release and close my eyes to wait for her blow to land; I expect many more to follow as soon as she notices. None of which happened. I open my eyes and realize that she isn't actually on top of me anymore. I sit up, wiping my self off in the process and look at Kneesocks whose mouth is hanging open in I assume shock. Finally down to a manageable size I zip myself up before turning to Kneesocks "Um what just happened?" She says nothing but points in the direction me and Scanty had last been facing. When I look over I see Scanty laying spread out on the hill, covered in uh, lets just say she's covered. Looking completely unconscious. "D-did I do that?" Kneesocks nods. Holy shit! She is definitely going to kill me. "Do you think that when she wakes up we could not tell her exactly what happened?"

"I was going to suggest the same. I fear that knowledge of this would cause her to temporarily lose sight of our goal and consequently during that time she would murder you. However when I lie I get so terribly red so it will be up to you to come up with how you won the match. For now let's get her cleaned up.

Because the sisters are demons they couldn't actually go inside the church so instead Chuck and I ended up gong in to bring out water and soap so that Kneesocks could wash her sister. An hour later Scanty did wake up, she was bathed, in her washed clothes, and not trying to murder me. That last one is important.

I crouch over her as she comes to. "Hey Scanty, how are you feeling?"

She looks confused for a second before her facial expression settles on disbelief. "If I'm unconscious that means that you, triumphed? How is that even possible? Even weakened by heavenly burns I am a high-class demon commander and you are nothing but the angels lackey with a set of peculiar genitals. What happened? How did you beat me?"

Discretion is probably a good call here, if I can stick to half-truths without going into detail I might be able to maintain a clean conscience and stay alive. "I used the power of the hell's gate key to win. I threw you across the field and you got knocked out by the force."

She puts a hand to her head, probably feeling the lump from where she hit the ground. "Underhanded and completely without mercy. You would make a fine demon Briefers." I blush at her grin. "Well I suppose that I'll just have to keep my word, it's one of our precious rules! You can keep your idiotic backpack, let us delay no longer. Kneesocks darling, are we all set to go?"

Kneesocks nods and gestures to their two packed bags, "We may commence our journey at any time."

Scanty stands up and slings her bag over her shoulder, "Then let us waste no more of our time."

While we know that Stocking and Corset are in Oten City on the way we're forced to pick up the six hundred and sixty six pieces of Panty, and that leads to our current dilemma. "Why does the path split?"

We had been following the path in relative peace with Chuck picking up the pieces behind us up until now. Kneesocks, moves forward arms crossed to examine the intersection. "It seems likely that this is an attempt at one of two possible motives. One that there is something off of the beaten path to Oten that Corset would like for us to encounter."

As usual her sister finishes her thought, "That or it is an attempt to divide us and possibly conquer us."

I can't help but sweat, "Conquer us! B-but doesn't Corset need me alive to open the hell's gate?"

"Hmm." Scanty Holds her hand in her chin.

"What are you thinking oh sister of mine?"

"Well. Considering that Mr. Rock here is correct in his knowledge of the hell's gate's necessary functions, it seems likely that Corset would want to avoid his demise." I breathe a sigh of relief. I know that I can fight with the hell's gate key but it's nice knowing there isn't a psychopathic demon currently seeking my murder. "Sister do you know which of these paths lead to Oten city and which is the distraction."

Kneesocks points to the right fork in the road, "By my knowledge of the topography of the region it is most likely that this path is the dead end."

"Well in that case I propose that we advance in that direction first. If his intention is to divide us than we'll be foiling his intentions, and perhaps if there is something of value there we can procure it." Kneesocks nods in approval. Wow, with the way that she speaks it's hard not to agree with her logic. I shrug and begin walking down our selected path. "You don't have anything to add Briefers?"

I pause mid step confused. "Uh, n-not really. I mean I don't really think it matters does it?"

Weird that they would ask me, I try to turn to continue walking but Scanty grabs my shoulder and forcefully turns me around to face her. "Listen Briefers, we are in for a long and very arduous journey and if I wanted to bring a pet I would have brought Fastener. Now stand up straight and look me in the eyes. I'll not be traveling with some subservient mongrel. You beat me in combat, so get rid of all those unsightly self esteem issues."

I'm left stunned as Scanty walks past me. Even from behind I can tell how composed and self assure she must look, and her butt is just, No no no! I can't think like that, it will make it hard to walk. "Just so you know." I'm distracted from my boner control to face Kneesocks. "My darling sister wouldn't give anyone she deemed a commoner the time of day. I can safely say that you have left an impression. Don't ruin it with your lackluster appearance."

I stand there for a second stunned. Looking down a Chuck I ask, "Just what was that about?"

"Chuck Chuuuk?"

I laugh and start walking with him after the sisters. "I appreciate it Chuck."

This chapter is a little shorter than my average but I felt the need to put something out. This story is just getting started and I can't wait to get to the meat of it. Tell me what you think in a review.

Thanks for reading!


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